honey, what do you think?

After 12 years together, and 10 years of marriage, you'd think there wouldn't be that many surprises left. And it's true, there aren't too many. But there are numerous instances of the same basic differences being played out in a multi-hued kaleidoscope of variations.

Packing and getting ready to downsize is one such variation that is a...hmm...I'm trying to figure out how to work Rorschach test into this sentence but I think I'm becoming much too pretentious and long winded. Moving right along...packing shows me yet again how my wife and I differ in one fundamental characteristic.

I need to think out loud, involve others in my thought process, bounce things off someone etc.

She, being more of the strong, silent type does not.

Which reminds me of yet another mystery of marriage: how come even I know this about her so well, it can still annoy me? I mean really, you'd think I'd be pretty zen about our differences at this point. But if you have been reading this blog for the past few weeks you've learned that I don't necessarily rock the zen.

Anyhow, back to packing. Our differences can be summed up as follows. Upon encountering an item that has some kind of sentimental/practical/monetary value, here's what happens:

(scenario A, I find the item)
Me: "Honey, do you think we should keep this? I kind of like it, and I could see us using it again?"
Her: "Mmmmm (or silence, insert chirping crickets here).

Me: "No, I need to know what you think about it, it' s more yours than mine. I'm kind of worried that if I throw it out we'll find out we really need it."

Her: "Just get rid of it, love, I'm sure it will be fine."

(scenario B, she finds the item)

***************silence except for the following sounds: crinkle of plastic as item is thrown out, screech of packing tape as yet another box is sealed, thud as item lands in our donation bin.

**with apologies to my wife for the gross exaggerations I have made and the artistic licence I have given myself for the sake of coming up with a post.

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For all those who were wondering, we did not manage to sell: the horse, the toddler bike seat, or the bassinet/playpen. Two of those three items have now found a happy home. Any guesses as to what we are still going to end up moving?

Letting things go

As we have been getting ready for this move and big change in our lives, I have a growing list in my head of things we have been letting go. Many of these things are things that I am letting go with a huge sense of relief, things that have been weighing me down, things that should go (my current job is probably topmost here).

There are other things that I find myself feeling more attached to, things I am having a harder time letting go of....

And then there are things that feel more like they are a sign of slipping standards and of, well
'letting things go'...down, letting things crumble etc.

So here is my list of things I've let go of:

• grad school papers, cause, really, I'm never going to do that PhD now, and even if I do! (sorry mom)
• our beautiful brown leather sofa...sigh.
• anything moldy. I don't care how valuable a photo/document/clothing item it was, if it got moldy in our basement, it's gone!
• lots and lots of books, even ones that I read....this is very hard for an anxious sometimes insomniac like me. Books = entertainment, security, something to do when I can't sleep. Many of them are like old friends....but sometimes, even old friends get moldy.
• some totally functional and even attractive dishes. We will not now, nor ever in future, need 6+ teacup saucers with no matching teacups, even if they were my grandma's.

And here's my other list, the things I've let go of that are more akin to slipping standards. We've let go of:

• rules about our youngest daughter's pacifier use. She gets it pretty much any damn time she pleases these days--with all the disruption in our lives, she can use all the comfort she can get!
  
• our usual virtually tv free parenting style. The girls have now memorized multiple episodes of Dora and Diego (did you know he's a very special child?) and we are discovering how easy it is to get things done when they are rotting their brains in front of the glowing box.
• our from scratch lifestyle-- a lot more things are being made from a mix around here lately (within the limitations of our youngest's crazy food sensitivities) and we've been frequenting our local pataterie a lot more too! (mmmm....fries cooked in lard are soy free!

What kinds of things have you let go of in order to simplify your life? Any regrets?

Panic! *Breathe* Panic!

okaaaaaaaaaay.
So I talked to my wonderful dad on Sunday, just back from painting the girls' bedroom and playroom at the new house. He also took photos of the whole place and measured the rooms and the windows, so we can think about curtains n' stuff.
He was fulsome in his compliments about the new place, how cozy it is, how much character it has etc. And tried to be very reassuring in describing how 'big' some of the rooms were. But while he was talking, my internal dialogue was drowning out his soft, encouraging voice. Something like this:

Him:
'The kitchen is nice, it has new laminate flooring, and I like that you have an eating nook/counter for the kids to use. There's not a lot of cupboard space though, and I don't think you will be able to fit your table in it."

Me, in my head: 'aaaaaaaaiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee small kitchen small kitchen small kitchen I hate small kitchens I am too messy for small kitchens aaiiiiiiiiieeeeee. How am I going to pare down my kitchen I am attached to every piece of enormous equipment, I LOVE it all'

Me, out loud: "mmm...well, maybe we can store some stuff down in the basement that we don't use regularly...and we can put the freezer down there too. We can put the table in the dining room space too."

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Him: 'Your bedroom is really quite big and has a nice window."

Me, out loud: "Do you think there's any chance to get our king size bed in there? We have a very tall 5 yo with pokey elbows who usually climbs into bed with us, and I don't want to give up the King."

Me, in my head: "Aaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee we can't go back to our Queen, I'll never sleep again, we gotta get this kid out of our bed, maybe by some miracle she'll start sleeping through the night right after we move to a new city aaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee"

Did I mention anxiety runs in my family? This was slightly edited for dramatic effect, but it isn't that far from reality, and certainly adds fuel to my decluttering fire.

I tend to think I manage anxiety better than some other members of family of origin, though it certainly rears its ugly head periodically, and this is one of those times! Not at all surprising given we are trying to uproot ourselves, move two kids and downsize dramatically in the space of 6 weeks. I guess that would make anyone, anxious, but I know that I also have the weight of multiple generations of anxious adults behind me. Not to mention the weight of the anxious, highly sensitive 5 yo lying on my arm, holding onto my leg....or you get the idea!
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And now, for extra panic...
We (foolishly, crazily) wisely took the advice of real estate agent on Monday who strongly encouraged us to put the house up for sale sooner rather than later. Basically we don't want it sitting empty for too long, and in our local tepid real estate market, it can take a few weeks. \
So we blithely signed on the dotted line... he would take pictures, put up the sign and it would begin showing the following...Monday.
So now we have hmm, well 4 days and 4 nights to get the house ready to go on the market. I think it's time to stop decluttering and time to start throwing things in boxes and bags, throwing them in the POD and making our very lived in home look staged.
(hahahaahaahahahahaahahahaahahahahahaahaha --hysteria tinged laughter because this is both funny and likely impossible)

Contents of my daughter's craft drawers

We set up these craft drawers, the cheapiest, crappiest IKEA unfinished pine kind, to help A manage her extreme anxiety at having a younger sister who was getting into all her stuff. They come complete with top of the line magnetic locking system, the fancy kind that unlocks using a magnet stuck to the frige). A used to take great delight in locking the magnet in the drawer and then asking B to open them for her. A was wise enough not to ask me, knowing that involving me in any fine motor, technically-minded tasks quickly deteriorates into cursing, swearing, and throwing of relevant or random objects.

So the craft drawers took on kind of a mythical significance for A...a holy sanctuary where she could store tiny beads, stickers, jewelry, fake tattoos and all manner of objects special to a preschool girl.

Here's the thing. She has not touched these drawers in about 7-8 months, give or take. She now has a big girl school desk, and these drawers have sat, unlocked, unloved and unused in a corner of our living room.

So...my first thought: we should get rid of them. But then the panic sets in: what if she misses them, what if they fit perfectly in some nook or cranny of our new place.

Leaving that paralyzing dilemma aside for a moment, I decide to sort through them.
A sampling of items I found inside:

• 1 cheddar bunny
• 4 Hello Kitty tattoos
• 7 or 8 sheets of glittery alphabet stickers given by my mom who's trying to encourage A to read.
• A souvenir of the Olympic torch relay last December.
  
• 3 matchbox cars including the prized Lightning McQueen
• A Lightning McQueen Pez dispenser
• 5 creepy Chinese opera model masks from a work trip I took to Beijing in 2008
• A baby food jar whose entire contents were 3 Lego gold doubloons
• a sock (of course! I just threw out about 30 single socks, most of which I have now found in random places around the house)
  
• teeny tiny erasers
• A pin from Dirty Dancing containing the quote: 'I carried a watermelon?'
  
• More color wonder markers than I care to think about

And the pièce de résistance: An immense number of plastic melt beads, which at one point had been carefully sorted, by colour, into small ziplocs bags, only 3 of the bags had spilled, leaving a pile of pink, blue and green beads mixed together on the bottom of the drawer. I attempted to lovingly sort them....an attempt that was short lived. Remember what I was saying earlier about fine motor tasks? I HATE melt beads with a deep and abiding passion. I can't seem to pick them up and when I do, I invariably place them on the board in the wrong place and then knock off the other ones while I'm taking them off...you get the idea.

In fact, it was while I was sorting them that I thought, gee, what else could I be doing right now? Oh yeah, blogging about this miserable task! Which is what lead to this post..

In other news, part 1: our PODS has landed and is now sitting in glowing white ugly splendour on our driveway. The charming delivery guy who dropped it off suggested we decorate it for Hallowe'en. This idea is too inspiring to ignore.

In other news, part 2: My dad is now at our new place painting away. He was nice enough to say that it was bigger than our very first house, a 900 sq. ft. brick row house. But then he added 'But you know, this place really is a lot smaller than where you are living right now.'

In other news part 3: Thanks for your input, dilemma du jour #1 has been resolved. I (threw out) re-homed some of the smaller items (Barbie jewelry, single shoes, a truly hideous see through plastic raincoat) and some of the scary Barbies (one with a short uneven haircut, one with pink hair) and have kept a selection which will likely be given at Christmas. I think. We'll see.