so much for November

okay so clearly the one post a day in November thing was a complete and utter failure. Life happens, okay? sheesh.
Moving right along!

I have two deep, dark secrets to share with you today, dear readers. One is the dark, rotten, moldy kind, that should be kept out of sight....one is the kind that looks bright and shiny and clean but inside...well, it's more like the first one. Are you ready for this? These secrets are important, they are the secrets to our downsizing success.

1) The basement of our new house. This is truly one of the most horrific basements I have ever encountered. The walls are crumbling in various places, have been ripped out in others, and speckled with black mold in many others. I have a mold allergy and I can't spend more than 15 minutes down there without starting to wheeze. Evidence of the previous tenants abounds, from someone's sad attempt to texture paint one of the rooms (note: swamp green rag rolling does not improve a dark, dank room), to the *ahem* evidence left behind in another: tinfoil covered window, pile of soil in the corner and stack upon stack of shipping boxes. We hate our basement because it is moldy, lacks a proper door, and feels like the kind of place that makes a happy home for rodents or serial killers in movies starring Jodie Foster. But we also love our basement because it is holding ALL OUR CRAP. All the boxes, and boxes, and boxes of stuff that won't fit in our house and we might want and we don't know what to do with. And as a result we are saving thousands of dollars in storage fees while we figure out what we're doing. So we (or maybe Beth given my wheezing issues) are going to tackle the basement with mold spray, gloves and masks, and put all the stuff in boxes in shelves and in plastic to protect it from the damp we know, and the damp we know will come!
wish us luck.

2) My other dark, deep secret isn't really much of a secret. It's IKEA.

IKEA, shiny blue and yellow Swedish siren, luring me to your shoals of disposable consumerism. You with your crunchy, green, family friendly image, your shining clean ballroom, your cheap meatballs and fries. But really are you any better than Wal-mart or McDonald's ? Despite your shiny exterior, your insides are just as tainted by the pursuit filthy lucre.

I returned to the blue and yellow behemoth, Toronto version, for the first time this past Saturday. By some cosmic miracle both our children agreed to stay in the play place as my wife and I giddily skipped through the store. 3 groggy hours later and many, many dollars poorer, we staggered out into the bright daylight of a North York parking lot...wondering how yet again we had been lulled into consumer complacency and wasted almost a whole Saturday inside.

the secret here? I guess it's just that I keep on believing all my downsizing problems can be solved if I spend enough money on Expedit shelving.

unexpected gifts

our new, smaller home has brought with it a number of logistical challenges and minor and not so minor annoyances (freezing windows, quirky electrical, lack of fans in bathroom AND kitchen).

But it has also brought a number of little gifts. Gifts that at first masquerade as major annoyances.

Some of the unexpected gifts:

1. No dishwasher. For the first time in 8.5 years, we have no dishwasher. As we like to joke that our first dishwasher saved our marriage, this hardly seems like a gift. But it is...we are rediscovering the zen-like relaxation of doing the dishes by hand. And we are discovering that we have grown up a lot in the last 8.5 years--instead of arguing over who will do them and making large passive-aggressive piles of dirty dishes, we just get them done and move on.
   
2. No TV. We do have Netflix on our desktop so we are not completely screen free but the lack of tv means we have to be a lot more conscious about our viewing. No channel surfing, no turning on the tv just because. And as a result, more time spent reading, baking and doing all those wonderful TV free activities.
3. No need to drive the car everywhere. This is more obviously a gift, but we are all appreciating the ability to walk many more places we need to go and get lots more exercise along the way. We love not using our car every day!
4. One bedroom & two kids...we worried this would be a disaster, especially with our 5 yo who likes to have things exactly to her specifications and likes her space. But they seem to really enjoy sharing a room , lots of giggling, fort building and two sisters who are growing closer every day is the result!
   

What unexpected gifts have you received lately?

our new place

so a few people have been asking me about our new place.

Some great things about it:

-It is not as small as I feared
-our bedroom is huge, and our king size bed fits in easily
-the attic playroom is delightful and features a secret floorboard for hiding cool things (hopefully nothing valuable...)
-the kitchen is workable, especially with the generous loan of a lovely butcher block topped island from some great friends!
-there is LOTS of storage space in the basement.
-the bathroom is freshly redone.
-we back on to a pretty ravine with a train track running through it. The girls, especially our youngest, LOVE watching the trains go by. Which they do at roughly 10 min. intervals during rush hour.
-wonderful neighbourhood & dream location!

Some not so great things about the place:

-it is FREEZING...windows need replacing, some spots need caulking. Overall I feel like wrapping the whole place in shrink wrap for the winter. I shudder to think of our heating bill. Actually I just shudder.
-the kitchen counters were designed at a time when the height of the average Torontonian was about 5'
-the fridge light is broken & hence is always off.
-the window in the playroom is lexan, not glass, and half of it is an air conditioner. I'm sure that's great in the summer....
-we're right beside a train track, and the whole house rattles each time one goes by.
-it's an older home, hence it does not have enough plugs. And about half of these plugs don't work. And when my LW (*lovely wife) tried to change an ancient fuse, sparks flew. We are calling an electrician.
-the previous tenants had 3 large hairy dogs. The place was not properly cleaned after they left. The dogs scratched up the floors and either the dogs or the tenants punched a hole in the bedroom wall.
-someone painted the lovely exposed brick wall in the living room white. I mean really??!!

Overall, I'm feeling conflicted on the whole home ownership thing. After owning our own place for 7 years, it's kind of nice to look around and think that all the maintenance on this place is NOT my responsibility. But I also love this little place and kinda wish it was ours so we could take it in hand & whip it into shape...if we ever got around to it!

So far, I have been here for 8 days, and I have not, I repeat NOT gone to IKEA. Aren't you impressed?

No wire hangers ever!

Or plastic ones, or wooden ones. Sheesh. This new house has one useable closet for adult size hangers, plus a smallish closet for the girls' special dresses and a kid-size dress up closet in the attic playroom. Our last house had...hmm...5 full closets ready to be filled with hangers. I have unpacked roughly 25 hangers today alone. The last straw...coming across a box marked 'hangers and clothes'

No. more. hangers.

Oh and I should mention we love our new place...it's not quite as tiny as I had thought based on my first impression. More on the new place, its quirks, and the previous tenants who were smokers with three LARGE dogs, in a later post.

Aren't you glad I have access to the internet again? I will do my best to catch up on my many days arrears of Nablopomo.

upcoming posts:
-10 things I won't miss (as promised)
-Moving day
-Annie's tribute to our old house
-The trials and tribulations of our new house
-I love Toronto....but....

stay tuned and apologies for the hiatus.

holy crap

this new house is small!
but we made it, all our stuff made it, and we are safe & sound.
More later!

taking the smaller the better to the extreme!

Not a real post, but a friend linked me to this incredible website of a house designer who designs truly tiny homes, anywhere from 89 to 800+ sq. ft.


Now there's some inspiration!

Regrets, I've had a few...

Time for another list. Is all this list-making a form of cheating in the national blog posting month unverse? yeah? Too bad, I don't care, I'm moving in 4 days.

So despite our general jubilation about our upcoming move, there are things we will miss about the locale we are in right now. So I decided to list them, in no particular order, I swear.

1. Fabulous local french fry spot that our very allergic daughter can eat at. It's also supercheap.
2. Living 5 minutes walk from a big & very picturesque body of water, and a big sandy beach.
3. Fabulous local bakery with the best croissants ever. (a certain theme is emerging here).
4. Adorable local Santa Claus parade with lots of candy for the kiddies.
5. Wonderful neighbours, especially the ones next door, a sweet retired couple who have adopted our kids as honorary grandkids.
   
6. Very friendly network of moms--this has been the easiest place to meet people and we have made many friends.
   
7. The beautiful outdoors: summer, winter, spring or fall, we are always close to the great outdoors here and we love it--canoeing, hiking skiing etc..
8. Skating on the canal + Beaver Tails (mmmm....pastry!)
   
9. Strawberry picking, pumpkin picking etc. at the lovely farm just down the road.
10. Local organic market with free horse drawn wagon rides. Granted that we don't buy very much food there as it tends to blow our budget, but love the atmosphere and the kids love the wagon! Oh and the sausages are good too!
    

So there it is, my attempt to sum up 9 years of living in an area in a short list. I've left out many important things, but this is meant to be quick, fun & light. I'd love to hear from you if you think I've missed something important....


Better get back to packing!!
Next post: 10 things I will NOT miss.

selling stuff still sucks...but freecycling is fantastic

So I'm really way too tired to post tonight---this should be interesting.

But I did want to relate my views on the difference between selling stuff and freecycling:

Selling stuff:

Process:

• Wait foreeeeeeeeeever to get the tiniest bit of interest.
• Carefully coax slightly interested prospective customer, wooing them with attentive emails, flashy photos and flexible pick up times, or even offers to drop off the item.
• Exchange multiple phone calls and emails about why the item is so perfect and how you are available for them to pick it up

Outcome: About 10% of the time, they buy something and you get good money for getting rid of something you don't need. The other 90% they don't show up, give up on you, never get back to you and you are stuck with the item, which you eventually freecycle.

Freecycling:

Process:

• Post a quick two-line email about something giving the minimum of details and emphasizing the need for you to get rid of it as quickly & conveniently as possible.
• Sit back and wait for the dozens of responses to pour in, each one more polite than the last.
  
• Sift through sob story after obsequious sob story and pick out the one that either makes you feel most warm & fuzzy or the one that seems most likely to pick up the item within the required time frame.
• Feel a warm glow of benevolence as the person arrives, usually promptly, and gratefully picks up said item.

Outcome:

• Hope that the warm glow of benevolence compensates for the fact that you didn't actually earn any money. But hey, at least the item isn't in the landfill or clogging up your storage space!
  

honey, what do you think?

After 12 years together, and 10 years of marriage, you'd think there wouldn't be that many surprises left. And it's true, there aren't too many. But there are numerous instances of the same basic differences being played out in a multi-hued kaleidoscope of variations.

Packing and getting ready to downsize is one such variation that is a...hmm...I'm trying to figure out how to work Rorschach test into this sentence but I think I'm becoming much too pretentious and long winded. Moving right along...packing shows me yet again how my wife and I differ in one fundamental characteristic.

I need to think out loud, involve others in my thought process, bounce things off someone etc.

She, being more of the strong, silent type does not.

Which reminds me of yet another mystery of marriage: how come even I know this about her so well, it can still annoy me? I mean really, you'd think I'd be pretty zen about our differences at this point. But if you have been reading this blog for the past few weeks you've learned that I don't necessarily rock the zen.

Anyhow, back to packing. Our differences can be summed up as follows. Upon encountering an item that has some kind of sentimental/practical/monetary value, here's what happens:

(scenario A, I find the item)
Me: "Honey, do you think we should keep this? I kind of like it, and I could see us using it again?"
Her: "Mmmmm (or silence, insert chirping crickets here).

Me: "No, I need to know what you think about it, it' s more yours than mine. I'm kind of worried that if I throw it out we'll find out we really need it."

Her: "Just get rid of it, love, I'm sure it will be fine."

(scenario B, she finds the item)

***************silence except for the following sounds: crinkle of plastic as item is thrown out, screech of packing tape as yet another box is sealed, thud as item lands in our donation bin.

**with apologies to my wife for the gross exaggerations I have made and the artistic licence I have given myself for the sake of coming up with a post.

*************************************************************
For all those who were wondering, we did not manage to sell: the horse, the toddler bike seat, or the bassinet/playpen. Two of those three items have now found a happy home. Any guesses as to what we are still going to end up moving?

Canadian Tire Money, pennies and marbles

What do these three items have in common?
They are THE top three most annoying items to deal when you are moving.
Why? They are small, usually found in all kinds of random and aggravating locations (pockets, bottoms of grocery bags, bottoms of drawers) especially in a less than organized house like ours, and you can't. just. throw them out.
at least not without feeling major guilt about
a) wasting money that could some day be spent on motor oil or a gigantic inflatable motion and light activated Christmas snow globe.
b) wasting money that could be spent on penny candy.
c) wasting money by throwing out toys that your kids like and actually play with and really don't take up THAT much space

Rounding out my list of annoying things to run across when packing:

• Broken jewelry....I really used to like that earring/bracelet/necklace until my toddler ripped it up. Maybe someday my wife will fix it for me? Until then I will store it in a ziploc baggie with other broken jewelry until it turns into a hopelessly mangled Gordian knot.
• Half empty containers of stuff....ketchup, hand sanitizer, lotion etc. I don't want to waste it, but how many multiple half empty bottles of the same crap is it really worth moving? Especially hand sanitizer which seems to multiply like rabbits around here as we try to convince our handwashing hating kid to stop spreading germs (nope, doesn't work).
• screws/bolts/nuts and other little metal and plastic thingies that I cannot correctly label (see cordaround post)--these paralyze me. I mean what if I throw out the one thing that holds our shelves together, therefore requiring a trip to IKEA to stand in their miles long customer service line? And if my wife is not around to ask about them I have to save them in my pockets or little ziploc bags until I can find out if they're okay to throw out.
• Batteries. I can't throw them out or else the silent screams of fishies, bunnies and other wild creatures who will be maimed by their corroding acid echo in my head. I know of two places where they can be recycled in this area: 1-my office 2-IKEA . Neither of these places is convenient when I am packing. Enter ziploc bags, that eventually have to be taken somewhere else.

I'd write more, but I'd better pace myself for the rest of the month. If you don't hear from me, I may be underneath a pile of ziploc bags filled with tiny pieces of crap in my basement. Send help.

yeah okay, so far I kinda suck

I've already missed one day of Nablopomo. No excuses. I will do better. moving right along.

a few good things....

Life really hasn't been just one big ball of stress lately. I have in fact had a number of positive things happen, many of which have been a pleasant surprise, including:

• we got two offers on our house within 7 days....even our agent was surprised by this--apparently all our decluttering worked.
• Our older daughter has generally been coping much better than we expected with all the changes in our lives.
• We've found all the necessary paperwork for the house! something I certainly wouldn't have expected to be so easy given the state of said house a few months ago!
  
• I finish work in two days...not a surprise, but definitely a good thing. I've had to restrain myself from skipping through the hallways singing lately, which I suspect would not be appreciated.
• Other than a nasty cold that mainly hit my wife (sorry honey!) we've generally managed to keep sane, stress free, sickness free and even actually had a lot of fun.
• We've sold most of our big items! (with the notable exception of Pinkie Beauty, our beautiful spring horse, perfection in plastic horse form, only $50).
  

Letting things go

As we have been getting ready for this move and big change in our lives, I have a growing list in my head of things we have been letting go. Many of these things are things that I am letting go with a huge sense of relief, things that have been weighing me down, things that should go (my current job is probably topmost here).

There are other things that I find myself feeling more attached to, things I am having a harder time letting go of....

And then there are things that feel more like they are a sign of slipping standards and of, well
'letting things go'...down, letting things crumble etc.

So here is my list of things I've let go of:

• grad school papers, cause, really, I'm never going to do that PhD now, and even if I do! (sorry mom)
• our beautiful brown leather sofa...sigh.
• anything moldy. I don't care how valuable a photo/document/clothing item it was, if it got moldy in our basement, it's gone!
• lots and lots of books, even ones that I read....this is very hard for an anxious sometimes insomniac like me. Books = entertainment, security, something to do when I can't sleep. Many of them are like old friends....but sometimes, even old friends get moldy.
• some totally functional and even attractive dishes. We will not now, nor ever in future, need 6+ teacup saucers with no matching teacups, even if they were my grandma's.

And here's my other list, the things I've let go of that are more akin to slipping standards. We've let go of:

• rules about our youngest daughter's pacifier use. She gets it pretty much any damn time she pleases these days--with all the disruption in our lives, she can use all the comfort she can get!
  
• our usual virtually tv free parenting style. The girls have now memorized multiple episodes of Dora and Diego (did you know he's a very special child?) and we are discovering how easy it is to get things done when they are rotting their brains in front of the glowing box.
• our from scratch lifestyle-- a lot more things are being made from a mix around here lately (within the limitations of our youngest's crazy food sensitivities) and we've been frequenting our local pataterie a lot more too! (mmmm....fries cooked in lard are soy free!

What kinds of things have you let go of in order to simplify your life? Any regrets?

I must be completely crazy

Because in the midst of selling our house, leaving my job of 9 years, moving to a new city and starting a new job, I have now decided to sign up for National Blog Posting Month http://www.nablopomo.com
That's right. I have now committed to posting something every day for a month. Okay so it goes against the whole simplifying, decluttering, downshifting focus of this blog. Okay so it is probably going to be one of the most stressful months in my life and I am adding to the pressure.

But hey, I'm enjoying this whole blogging thing thus far, and if I want to get serious about it, no better way! Right? Right? right? right?

So, since it's already November 3rd, I'm now going to catch up by posting 3 posts in a row! whee!

selling stuff sucks

Now I remember why we usually can't be bothered to do this, beyond a garage sale or two over the years.....

First you have to locate the item. Then you have to clean/repair the item (granted that my lovely wife usually takes care of these first two if I whine enough).

Then you have to decide how much to charge for the item....somewhere between 'I love this and others should appreciate it's unique beauty too' and 'hahaahahaha oh well at least it sold and we didn't just give it away.'

You know what else sucks about selling stuff ? Going back & forth, back & forth, back & forth with people over email and phone about how great said item is, how convenient it is for them to pick it up, how you have the perfect price, how big it is, how much it weighs, its shoe size, where you live....and then they never show up at the stated time and just disappear, entering the twilight zone of used item sales....never, ever to be seen or heard from again...

And yet when you are downsizing in the rather extreme way that we are at present, it's hard to get around selling stuff, sucky though it may be. I mean it makes a lot more sense to sell certain big ticket items than to try to store them in our limited basement space for an indefinite amount of time...and definitely makes a lot more sense than paying to store them somewhere else...

Some of the items we have managed to sell in the past few weeks:

• our rooftop car box thingy (we haven't used it since we got a bigger car 1.5 years ago).
• our espresso machine (we figure we don't have enough counter space and will be living closer to fancy coffee shops).
• Our lovely sit & stand stroller to some friends who just had a beautiful baby girl, baby #3, a few days ago. Time for Annie to walk more--at age 5.5, I think she's ready so long as we can handle the whining.
  
• Our big brown bunk beds...they will not likely fit in the girls new tiny (6' by 10') bedroom and will be replaced by, wait for it, something smaller from IKEA!
• This old, slightly odd looking wooden hutch from Beth's grandma's house. She was most decidedly NOT sentimentally attached to it (whew! I could learn from this example).
  

Some of the items we might, with any luck, be selling in the next couple of days:

• our leather couch. Lovely, but we also have a pull out couch and we need things with more than one purpose.
• Our Double Chariot Cougar Stroller. Weirdly we are having a lot of trouble offloading what is usually a hot item in Ottawa.
  

Some of the items we seem destined never to sell and might as well give up on at this point:

• our beautiful Radio Flyer Liberty Spring Horse. Perfection in plastic horse form. And yet nary a nibble...
• Our IKEA Robin bed. Maybe everyone else has read that they don't make it anymore due to pokey corners "(http://forum.canadianparents.com/ubbthreads/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=198432) hmmm. maybe that's why we can't sell it.
• Our ibert front mount bike seat...perfect for carrying your toddler in front while your big kid rides on her trail-a-bike in back. If you're a toddler, imagine this: sun in your face, wind in your hair, waving and laughing at passersby, and for added enjoyment periodically leaning over to mess with your parent's gears/brakes/bell. hmmm.
  
• Our change table/dresser.
• A lovely Fisher Price pack n' play

(As you may sense from some of the above mentioned items, we have rather firmly decided that our family is complete, no more cute little Clarke-Ward babies will be coming our way. And yes, in our case, that is a rather definitive decision....for obvious reasons).

Some of the items we probably should sell but haven't brought ourselves to part with yet:

• The girls' massive 3 storey dollhouse
• Our Queen size bed & mattress.....mmmm such a nice mattress. And that nice basket-weaving IKEA bed. (IKEA should start sponsoring this blog).

***********************************************************************************
So now it's Sunday morning, and we have officially sold the couch, bringing to about $1000 the amount we have made selling stuff so far. Not too shabby and will definitely help pay for the move.

Except this time I think we may have gone too far. I am now experiencing a serious case of seller's remorse. What were we thinking!???!!!! That was our nice leather couch. The one that looked like it belonged in a grown-up's living room, not in a grad school apartment. The one that did not get dirty, no matter how many times it was peed on, spilled on etc. The one that never showed the cat hair from our WHITE cat. The one that was comfy and cozy. The one that I guess was really too big and anyway had a tear in it and really it is JUST a couch and we can always replace it some day and really it is just a thing, just an object, let it go, let it go, let it go....

Anxiety & insomnia can really be funny sometimes. No really. Not usually in the moment, but in the harsh light of reality that follows. As in, what the hell, I woke up early worrying because we sold a couch? Don't I have more important things to think about and worry about? Like hoping someone will buy our house?

There now, I feel better already. Maybe I'd better watch another therapeutic 15 minutes of hoarders. (and buy a new cover for our remaining IKEA couch?? That would probably help too, though it sort of goes against the whole point of this blog!)

Hmmm that gives me an idea for another post: how a green living, simple living, slightly broke Quaker girl like me still finds shopping strangely therapeutic at times. yikes!

Cordaround: not a member of the corduroy family.

So I haven't spoken much about my wonderful wife. I could go on about how she's a marvellous mom, terrific teacher, lovely life partner and give many other alliterative compliments.

Anyway, she is definitely the handy one in this relationship. As discovered during a recent google chat.

When we began prepping our current house for moving, we decided to redo the floors in the basement guest room & in our two girls rooms. Replacing gross (and in one case cat pee covered) carpet with clean new laminate would be a good thing for the value of our house, we blithely agreed--plus laminate was on sale! So she worked very hard last weekend, got all the carpet up & new laminate down, leaving only a few bare inches of wall and a gap between the laminate and the wall. Clearly, what was needed was some wood to replace the ratty old stuff she had torn out. I, being the non handy one in the relationship, was very proud that I knew the correct term for said ratty old wood, and proudly brought it out in a recent google chat. "So," I said, "when are you going to replace the cordaround ?" her chat version of apoplectic giggling alerted me to the fact that something was wrong.

Apparently it is not a close relative of the corduroy family, as I had assumed, but is actually called 'quarter round' to reflect the fact that it is a quarter of an inch thick or something. Sheesh! who knew?

Panic! *Breathe* Panic!

okaaaaaaaaaay.
So I talked to my wonderful dad on Sunday, just back from painting the girls' bedroom and playroom at the new house. He also took photos of the whole place and measured the rooms and the windows, so we can think about curtains n' stuff.
He was fulsome in his compliments about the new place, how cozy it is, how much character it has etc. And tried to be very reassuring in describing how 'big' some of the rooms were. But while he was talking, my internal dialogue was drowning out his soft, encouraging voice. Something like this:

Him:
'The kitchen is nice, it has new laminate flooring, and I like that you have an eating nook/counter for the kids to use. There's not a lot of cupboard space though, and I don't think you will be able to fit your table in it."

Me, in my head: 'aaaaaaaaiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee small kitchen small kitchen small kitchen I hate small kitchens I am too messy for small kitchens aaiiiiiiiiieeeeee. How am I going to pare down my kitchen I am attached to every piece of enormous equipment, I LOVE it all'

Me, out loud: "mmm...well, maybe we can store some stuff down in the basement that we don't use regularly...and we can put the freezer down there too. We can put the table in the dining room space too."

*********************************************************
Him: 'Your bedroom is really quite big and has a nice window."

Me, out loud: "Do you think there's any chance to get our king size bed in there? We have a very tall 5 yo with pokey elbows who usually climbs into bed with us, and I don't want to give up the King."

Me, in my head: "Aaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee we can't go back to our Queen, I'll never sleep again, we gotta get this kid out of our bed, maybe by some miracle she'll start sleeping through the night right after we move to a new city aaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee"

Did I mention anxiety runs in my family? This was slightly edited for dramatic effect, but it isn't that far from reality, and certainly adds fuel to my decluttering fire.

I tend to think I manage anxiety better than some other members of family of origin, though it certainly rears its ugly head periodically, and this is one of those times! Not at all surprising given we are trying to uproot ourselves, move two kids and downsize dramatically in the space of 6 weeks. I guess that would make anyone, anxious, but I know that I also have the weight of multiple generations of anxious adults behind me. Not to mention the weight of the anxious, highly sensitive 5 yo lying on my arm, holding onto my leg....or you get the idea!
************************************************************************

And now, for extra panic...
We (foolishly, crazily) wisely took the advice of real estate agent on Monday who strongly encouraged us to put the house up for sale sooner rather than later. Basically we don't want it sitting empty for too long, and in our local tepid real estate market, it can take a few weeks. \
So we blithely signed on the dotted line... he would take pictures, put up the sign and it would begin showing the following...Monday.
So now we have hmm, well 4 days and 4 nights to get the house ready to go on the market. I think it's time to stop decluttering and time to start throwing things in boxes and bags, throwing them in the POD and making our very lived in home look staged.
(hahahaahaahahahahaahahahaahahahahahaahaha --hysteria tinged laughter because this is both funny and likely impossible)

Remembering

I'm having a hard time rousing up my usual sardonic wit after hearing about the death of a truly wonderful woman, one who epitomized graciousness, compassion, intelligence and faithfulness. Even though her death was long expected, I am still having a lot of trouble coming to terms with the loss it represents. She was the kind of person who accepted you where you were and yet always encouraged you to be better, with gentleness and empathy.

I can only dream of some day living up to her legacy. Her husband of more than 50 years, who met her and fell in love with her in kindergarten, is a deeply gentle, caring soul. I can't begin to imagine his loss.

Contents of my daughter's craft drawers

We set up these craft drawers, the cheapiest, crappiest IKEA unfinished pine kind, to help A manage her extreme anxiety at having a younger sister who was getting into all her stuff. They come complete with top of the line magnetic locking system, the fancy kind that unlocks using a magnet stuck to the frige). A used to take great delight in locking the magnet in the drawer and then asking B to open them for her. A was wise enough not to ask me, knowing that involving me in any fine motor, technically-minded tasks quickly deteriorates into cursing, swearing, and throwing of relevant or random objects.

So the craft drawers took on kind of a mythical significance for A...a holy sanctuary where she could store tiny beads, stickers, jewelry, fake tattoos and all manner of objects special to a preschool girl.

Here's the thing. She has not touched these drawers in about 7-8 months, give or take. She now has a big girl school desk, and these drawers have sat, unlocked, unloved and unused in a corner of our living room.

So...my first thought: we should get rid of them. But then the panic sets in: what if she misses them, what if they fit perfectly in some nook or cranny of our new place.

Leaving that paralyzing dilemma aside for a moment, I decide to sort through them.
A sampling of items I found inside:

• 1 cheddar bunny
• 4 Hello Kitty tattoos
• 7 or 8 sheets of glittery alphabet stickers given by my mom who's trying to encourage A to read.
• A souvenir of the Olympic torch relay last December.
  
• 3 matchbox cars including the prized Lightning McQueen
• A Lightning McQueen Pez dispenser
• 5 creepy Chinese opera model masks from a work trip I took to Beijing in 2008
• A baby food jar whose entire contents were 3 Lego gold doubloons
• a sock (of course! I just threw out about 30 single socks, most of which I have now found in random places around the house)
  
• teeny tiny erasers
• A pin from Dirty Dancing containing the quote: 'I carried a watermelon?'
  
• More color wonder markers than I care to think about

And the pièce de résistance: An immense number of plastic melt beads, which at one point had been carefully sorted, by colour, into small ziplocs bags, only 3 of the bags had spilled, leaving a pile of pink, blue and green beads mixed together on the bottom of the drawer. I attempted to lovingly sort them....an attempt that was short lived. Remember what I was saying earlier about fine motor tasks? I HATE melt beads with a deep and abiding passion. I can't seem to pick them up and when I do, I invariably place them on the board in the wrong place and then knock off the other ones while I'm taking them off...you get the idea.

In fact, it was while I was sorting them that I thought, gee, what else could I be doing right now? Oh yeah, blogging about this miserable task! Which is what lead to this post..

In other news, part 1: our PODS has landed and is now sitting in glowing white ugly splendour on our driveway. The charming delivery guy who dropped it off suggested we decorate it for Hallowe'en. This idea is too inspiring to ignore.

In other news, part 2: My dad is now at our new place painting away. He was nice enough to say that it was bigger than our very first house, a 900 sq. ft. brick row house. But then he added 'But you know, this place really is a lot smaller than where you are living right now.'

In other news part 3: Thanks for your input, dilemma du jour #1 has been resolved. I (threw out) re-homed some of the smaller items (Barbie jewelry, single shoes, a truly hideous see through plastic raincoat) and some of the scary Barbies (one with a short uneven haircut, one with pink hair) and have kept a selection which will likely be given at Christmas. I think. We'll see.

dilemma du jour, #1: Barbies

Going through a major decluttering exercise is akin to navigating a minefield. Only instead of deadly explosive devices, you are dealing with potential meltdowns and minor inconveniences. So maybe they aren't really all that similar.

Anyway, one thing that happens when you are getting rid of lots of stuff is that you have to make eight million little tiny decisions per box that you fill. I've been watching Hoarders on netflix lately (partly for motivation), and I admit, I empathize with them to some extent. It is hard to decide if you might need something later. Okay, well it's hard to decide if you might need toys or household items later. I don't find it so hard to decide if I will need rusted out cars or rotting food later.

Which brings me to today's dilemma: the Bag O' Barbies.
A kind colleague at work who was moving overseas 'gifted' me with a gigantic garbage bag of used Barbies. There are maybe 50 of them in there. They have sat in our front hall closet since we received them. My dilemma with the Barbies is as follows:

• Barbies are evil, anti-feminist toys of the patriarchy.
• My 5 yo loves Barbies
• She doesn't even know about these ones yet.
• We are likely to be COMPLETELY broke this Christmas and those Barbies could come in handy.
  
• Heck, these Barbies could keep her believing in Santa for one more year.
• Santa is an evil tool of consumerist society. Hmm.
  
• They aren't exactly nice new Barbies, they are well-loved, and the bag is full of tiny pieces of Barbie crap: shoes, jewelry, crowns and something that looks like a garter but I think is actually a bridle for a horse.
  

Not sure what to do about this yet, but am open to input!

reality sets in.

Okay, so I am still very excited about this move. In fact I am more excited than ever about the fabulous urban neighbourhood we are going to be living in! And the possibility of good schools! And the fact that we might eventually be able to buy a house there!

But I think I am also starting to panic a bit about how tiny it is. Really, how tiny is it? Maybe part of the problem is that I don't really know...I only have a general idea from looking at some pictures, taken by the landlords a few years ago, with someone else's furniture in them. As a result, I find myself obsessively reading the IKEA catalogue (there must be some way IKEA can help us, right?) or poring through the selection of storage bins at our local department store.

The good news: my dad (aka superdad!) has offered to go to our new place this weekend to measure, take pictures and paint the girls' room and playroom! So hopefully by Sunday we will have a much better idea of the (gravity of the) situation.

In other news, our PODS storage unit arrives today. Whee! I am actually very excited about this, as one of the things I hated about our last move was filling up our entire living room with boxes such that we couldn't move. Not fun.

We have thrown out a whole bunch of stuff so far, including: drop side crib that is now illegal, grotty old booster seat, cheap & wrecked IKEA end tables. I do feel a sick undercurrent of guilt about that stuff going to the landfill.

We have also given away bags & bags & bags of clothes, and I have three boxes of books from the living room that are all set to go. All very satisfying, with a soupcon of 'oh shit, what if I got rid of something we need'.

And of course then there's the moment every parent dreads: 'Mama, where's my special pink sweater that I wore to the wedding last year?' When confronted with questions like this, I never know whether to:

1. Blatantly lie ("I think it's in the wash")
   
2. Tell the truth....sort of ("It was too small....so we put it away for your sister")
3. Tell the bald faced truth ("sweetie, you haven't worn it or noticed it in 6 months. I gave it away)
   

What do you do in situations like this??

Downsizing and downshifting

I am now officially downwardly mobile, and I couldn't be happier about it.

In the next six weeks, I will:

• drop my salary
  
• move from owning a home to renting (at least for now)
• move from a 2100 sq. foot, 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom suburban home to a tiny downtown row house with 2 functional bedrooms, 1 bathroom and a tiny sink with no dishwasher. (the horror!)

And yet, I couldn't be happier. According to my family, I've smiled more and laughed more in the past week than I have in at least 2-3 years. And yet, I know we have our work cut out for us, and I am definitely anxious...anxiety being something that runs in my family in a serious way. More on that later.

Follow me as I try to get rid of a whole lot of stuff, and try to make our current home and family fit into our new reality. Follow my kids, an anxious five-year-old who feels "ambivalent about moving" (direct quote), and our happy go lucky two-year-old who's biggest challenge is not breaking all our stuff before we pack it. And of course my lovely wife, who is working like crazy to make this all happen for us.